WHERE AM I?

Posted: March 12, 2012 in Books, Christianity, Education, Family, History, Life, News, Parenting, Quotes, Uncategorized

“I will lead the blind by ways they have not known, along unfamiliar paths I will guide them.”

– Isaiah 42:16 NIV

In the time I made the conscious choice to go through the grief process post separation and divorce that began in 2005, I also served in my church one year as a co-facilitator of the DivorceCare small group program offered to those looking for support and encouragement to help them in their transition. It was during that time of serving I discovered that studies indicate it takes roughly 4 years for people to progress through the grieving process before they can move forward and look ahead towards a better day and brighter tomorrow, so that affirmed my choice to grieve. My work with the National Family Resiliency Center was also a source of great comfort, encouragement and empowerment that helped me as I sought to be that resource for others. Part of my responsibility as a co-facilitator with NFRC was sharing information related to grief, anger, discipline, child development from infancy to older adolescent and co-parenting, so it was a constant refresher for me in how I was coping and handling my personal circumstances while offering advice to others.

Post divorce there were great obstacles, challenges and internal/external opposition I would have to face and learn to overcome if I was going to experience the empowerment and fulfillment I was declaring during my times of journaling. A close friend asked me how I was dealing with my anger since he was in the midst of facing the reality of infidelity in his marriage. I explained to him I challenged myself to see myself in a better place regardless of how things looked at the moment. In dealing with the anger I also learned the principle of positive self-talk to help me make that progress. I would say things like, ‘I am not a victim,’ and ‘I am not above injustice.’ to remind myself that self-pity would not serve me in getting to where I desired and needed to be. Woe is me and why me will not help me make the daily progress towards progressing through my grief to a place of rest and peace. This past week, disclosing this at the NFRC seminar Wednesday, March 7th caused a participant to come forward at the conclusion and thank me for revealing this because he too adopted this strategy and felt affirmed hearing it from me. I am always thankful to God how He works everything together for good when testifying about life’s challenges liberates others as He liberates me!

The current journey of faith God was leading me on during a dark time and difficult moment in my life only helped me with my current manuscript also and enriched my writing and understanding of faith in my relationship with Him. I began to discover the subject of disillusionment, fulfillment, favor and expectancy on a deeper more meaningful level. My journey led to a full year of being without transportation, periods where I was not able to see my children, displaced from my position outside the classroom having to return to the classroom where I had no desire to return to. My car was repossessed, I was overwhelmed with debt facing the monthly threat of losing my apartment which I eventually did this  Fall. Debt was mounting and increasing greater than my ability to pay it back. I was struggling internally with the reality of experiencing grief from my childhood and family circumstances while trying to cope with my current grief. All along, I could see the sovereign hand of God making a way for me in my proverbial desert and provide me streams in the wasteland of my journey through the valley of grief. No matter how deep I fell in the depth of depression or how dark the reality of my circumstances got, God was with me in my trouble and whispered to me words of encouragement and empowerment that let me know He would never leave me nor forsake me!

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